The empty place

Ever feel that sensation where you're done.  The needle redlining, amber lights are flashing, well, you ain't a fucking truck but you get the sense.

Every nailed paw that falls on the hardwood, every breath from my dog seems so provoking but to what exactly?  I guess I want to go to that room or space that envision in my mind.  The empty place.

I don't want to think, I don't want to hear and I don't want to do.

Why?  I guess because I don't know how to manage things in life at that very moment.  I wish and honestly, I do.  But there's always that part of you that wants to go to the empty place, no, not about hanging yourself from a bridge or anything like that.  I'm laughing inside my head now about all these things I write, they amuse me and I feel better because I know a few people who will laugh with me.  Disturbed, yeah, just like you.  I just decided to write it down, just the tip of the iceberg because I don't think the rest would be taken well.

Anyway, back to the empty space.  One advisor says go on a road trip, I'm pretty sure others would say drink it up, walk, sleep but when the responsibility is on you, you don't get to do that.  You get to function and continue moving because nothing is about you.  It never was.  At least for me.  You'll see, you'll change your mind when you start seeing the patterns.

So, the empty place is my meditation stage.  Somewhere inside I tap into it as I continue to function.  I don't yell or scream at the injustices of the world instead I breath slowly, I walk slowly and talk slowly.  Why?  Because that's the only way to be submerged in the muck and make it to the other side but really, we all know there's no other side, the brain just needs a little imaginary target to get the mess of you out of your funk.

I made up the meditation stage, I have no idea what else to call it.  I know it works.  You know, just like you and your vehicle, you know it works by magic or science, it don't matter.  It works and that's all there is to that.

Now to keep functioning instead of breaking down.  It has been rough the past few months but I think I have been my best for the most part.  That's important to me.  The stuff in my head and my feelings, I can learn more about managing them and continue to be immersed in my world which is rich with interaction with shitty and awesome people.  No excuses.